he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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