Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
