I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
