It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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