I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He kissed a someone with a penis
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
