Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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