does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I bet he comes in French.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
