i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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