we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
