are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
