Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
