i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he puts the penis in happiness.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
