i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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