He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
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My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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