Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
