They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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