accomplished twins. life is a go
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Let's paint friendship bongs
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
