My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
