3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
