this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Quick, to the slutcave!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
