i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
