I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
