I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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