Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i would punch a child for taco bell
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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