Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
