I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
