i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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