Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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