Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
