I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
