I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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