you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
