I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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