Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Randomize
