I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize