you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
