Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
