She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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