I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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