And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
well, you know. whores of a feather.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
