evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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