help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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