Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
