It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
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My vagina just recognized that song.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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