Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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