I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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