I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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