Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
