my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
