I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
