Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
