I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
