She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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