I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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