When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
