Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
