I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
