Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
