You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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