It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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