I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize