i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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