that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
