So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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