Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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