So drunk, too bad you don't want this
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
