No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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