Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
