the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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