i was born a porn star she said
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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