he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
