I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
