Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
