the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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